A lot of people seem out of sorts this week. That’s OK. Not every day has to be sunshine and rainbows.
But if you are tired of having external events impact your mood, there are ways of preserving your peace. You can become unbothered.
Preserving your peace does not mean you don’t care. It’s not toxic positivity where you have to find a silver living in truly awful things. Unbothered means that you know at a soul level that you will be OK. You don’t have to be frantic or controlling or try to force things. You don’t have to freak out. So you do the things you need to do - send the email, donate the money, make the call - but you don’t let things energetically take you down. Even in the midst of the crazy, you can protect your peace and even feel joy. It’s not easy but it’s totally possible.
Now, I can hear some of you saying: But what I’m going through is so terrible, it’s impossible to preserve my peace. And that’s OK. You can continue to think that. I thought that for years. Then one day, I got sick and tired of suffering and drama and decided to just get over it. Just like that. It’s a decision you can make at any time. Truly.
Here are some tips:
Look for evidence of good. Our brains are hardwired to see the negative so we can spot danger and run. News organizations and advertisers know that when we feel scared, we are more likely to keep watching or buy things, so they keep the cycle of negativity going. You need to make the effort to look for the good. A gratitude practice can help. This is not some woo woo silly fluff. It helps you see the good, reward your brain with dopamine, and train your reticular activating system to look for more good things. When I’m out and about I see fashion and little dogs and pretty pastries and truly don’t see a lot of the city’s mess. I’m not delulu. I know it’s out there. I’ve simply trained my brain to focus on other things since me feeling depressed and powerless helps nobody.
Step away from drama. You know how it goes: the phone rings and somebody wants to tell you some salacious thing. Or some ex reaches out. Some crazy news floats across your Instagram feed. Don’t engage. If something truly important is going down, you will find out about it. I mean, nobody missed out on the COVID thing, right? Our brain craves the rush that comes from drama but it does not serve us well in the long term. It hikes up our cortisol, it creates a lack mentality, it creates fear. So just ignore the drama trying to get your attention.
Create peace at a body level. Try some breathing exercises. One of my favorites is 4-7-8 breathing. When you are feeling stressed, take a minute to breathe. Inhale for the count of four. Hold for the count of 8. Exhale for the count of 8. Repeat 3 or 4 times. When you spend longer on the exhale breath than on the inhale breath, your body is telling your brain that you are safe. (Try running full speed on a treadmill while slowly exhaling - it’s pretty much impossible.)
Slow down. I walk fast and talk fast - a lot of people think I’m a New Yorker. I’m learning to sloooow down. Not only are you less likely to trip (I’m still not fully over my tumble up the stairs) but you also feel more serene. In midlife, we’ve earned the right to not rush around.
Stop thinking about what others think. It’s easier said than done but think about how much time you spend thinking about the inner lives of other people. Not a lot, right? You are thinking more about how you think and feel. Everyone else is the same. Other people don’t really care what you are doing, so do what you want and preserve your peace.
Practice saying no. The easiest way to disturb your peace is to yes to something you really do not want to do. As women, we are conditioned to be agreeable so you may have to practice saying no. Elisabeth Andrews has written a book, 50 Ways to Say No if you need some help.
Find kindred spirits. We are building a community for high-vibe drama-free women where we celebrate wins and don’t waste our time on negativity and gossip. If that resonates, jump into the free group (we are not an MLM scheme or a cult, we promise!)
Xx
