Valentine’s Day often spotlights romantic love, but what about falling head over heels for yourself? If you're a midlife woman navigating the complex world of family, career, and society’s expectations, maybe it’s time to put the focus on yourself. Yes, even if you are happily partnered!
In our book, The Selfish Season, we outline 7 empowering steps to prioritize yourself unapologetically, so you can engage in the most valuable relationship you'll ever have—the one with yourself.
What Is Self-Love, Really?
Spoiler alert—self love is not about weekly bubble baths or splurging on designer shoes (although, no judgment if you do). Real acts of self-love involve showing up for yourself every single day. It’s about honoring your needs, enforcing boundaries, and striving for growth in the areas that matter to you the most.
For midlife women, self-love requires a deliberate act of rebellion against external expectations. It’s giving yourself permission to declare, “Now, it’s my turn.” And guess what? You don’t owe anyone an apology for this.
The steps below are designed to help you channel that philosophy and make this Valentine’s Day—and every day after—a love story about you.
The SELFISH Method of Prioritizing Yourself
The SELFISH method is, at its heart, a “toolkit” for self-love. Here's how each step ties into intentionally and wholeheartedly loving yourself this Valentine’s Day:
Step 1: Storytelling—Reframe Your Narrative
Too often, we carry narratives that don’t serve us—"I can’t because I’m too old," or "It’s too late to change." (Spoiler alert—it’s never too late.) Reframing these stories is the first step toward self-love.
If you’re telling yourself you’re too entrenched in your current life to make changes, pause. Ask, "What’s the truth here? What’s possible if I rewrite this story?" For instance, if the narrative running in your head is, “I must live for my family,” try shifting it to, “I’m rebalancing my priorities so I can thrive—and when I thrive, everyone around me benefits.”
Simple journaling or reflection can help. If your current story doesn’t work for the woman you’re becoming, change the cast, the set, the plot—all of it!
Step 2: Elevate Yourself—Be Your Own VIP
You’ve spent how many decades people-pleasing? Stop. Right. Now.
Elevating yourself means acting like the multitalented, irreplaceable main character that you are. This could mean something as small as creating a morning boundary to sip your coffee in peace or saying ‘no’ to yet another volunteer commitment you’ve been guilted into.
Take stock of what drains you. Then, work on putting boundaries in place. Strong boundaries aren’t just empowering—they’re your secret fuel for self-preservation.
Step 3: Identify Your Life Purpose
Many midlife women feel tethered to roles they outgrew decades ago. Sound familiar? Maybe your life’s next chapter involves creativity, community, or financial empowerment.
Find your “why” through exploration—not because someone expects something from you, but because you want to find fulfillment. Volunteer, take that French class, or finally write that memoir. What sparks joy for you? That’s your roadmap.
Sketch your vision for your life, then map out small, actionable ways to move toward it.
Step 4: Filter Out the Noise
Midlife is the perfect time to Marie Kondo your entire life. Toxic friends? Adios. Commitments that exhaust you? No, thank you.
Filtering is about decluttering your physical, emotional, and social spaces. Who adds value to your day-to-day life, and who drains it? Do your surroundings feel like an oasis, or like chaos? Audit your environment. It’s amazing how liberating cutting unnecessary obligations or relationships can feel.
Step 5: Invest in Yourself
Here’s something most women hear way too late in life—don’t treat yourself, invest in yourself. That might mean splurging on a writing retreat or hiring a career coach, instead of weekly spur-of-the-moment retail therapy. Think quality over quantity.
Financial independence is one of the loudest declarations of self-love you can make. Whether that’s hiring a financial advisor, mastering your budget, or launching your passion side hustle, taking charge of your money is empowering—and freeing.
Step 6: Style & Beauty—Present Yourself with Confidence
Style and self-care aren’t frivolous—they’re weapons of mass-self-love. That doesn’t mean aiming for perfection or trying to look like a celebrity. It’s about showing up for yourself the way you want to be seen.
This can be something as simple as a fresh haircut you've been putting off, wearing bold lipstick just because, or choosing clothes that make you feel stately. Remember, this isn’t about turning heads for someone else. It’s about standing in front of the mirror and going, “Yep, I look amazing.”
Step 7: Habits & Support—Fuel Your Growth
Self-love isn’t a one-time declaration. It’s a practice. Build meaningful self-love habits into your rhythm—a morning ritual, daily journaling, or an evening gratitude list. The ripple effect from these small acts will surprise you.
Surround yourself with people who see your fabulousness (and remind you when you forget it). Goodbye energy vampires, hello cheerleaders.
Here’s to Loving Yourself
Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to revolve around someone else this year. It can also be about you. Being selfish is not about neglecting others—it’s about putting the oxygen mask on yourself first. Because when you’re thriving, you radiate that energy to everyone around you. Being selfish helps you be more loving!
So, be your own Valentine this year—you’re more than worth it. ❤️
